february in december

i come to you in friendship
and hold my breath against the snow
what are you thinking as i gaze into you?
forgive me the confusion
forgive me as i realize my thoughts betrayed...


i cried tonight, it is not that i am sad, it is because of this paralyzing pain again.
i was so happy this afternoon, the reason yet unknown. i am still happy, perky happy. so happy that i almost hate it. this is how happy i was the last time i had these chest pains. i can't really say if happiness is the reason for my chest pains, but i do hope not. if it is, i think i really might overdose myself with these pain killers.

all im asking is to be alive